


A Snail Problem

by Rioghna



Series: Daddy's Little Girl !verse [5]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Comedy, Crossover, F/M, Gen, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5490989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rioghna/pseuds/Rioghna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death as the HogFather comes to Rumplestiltskin with a little problem.  Discworld crossover.  Tumblr prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Snail Problem

**Author's Note:**

  * For [woodelf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodelf/gifts), [BardicRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardicRaven/gifts).



 

 

A Snail Problem

" ** _Rumplesstiltskin_**..." The deep voice echoed around the room, like something dug from the deepest sepulcher. "Rumple...hurmmm *cough* *cough*. Sorry, let me try that again. Rumplestiltskin. That's better. I have come seeking your help."

The imp rose startled from his comfortable chair by the fire to look at the looming figure. He hadn't been expecting visitors, and even if he had, the figure before him wasn't anywhere on the list of visitors he would expect. "Excuse me, Dearie, and far be it from me to deny some...one a deal that they need," the imp said, looking the figure over curiously. It looked a bit like what he had always thought Death might look like, though they had never met, one of the perks of being immortal and all that. But he had certainly never expected Death to turn up in his Great Hall wearing a red cloak trimmed with white fur, or a fake beard, not to mention the large sack of something on his back. "But who in the seven hells are you?" The figure so far hadn't been threatening (few were when they were looking for a deal, though there were a couple incidents with Prince Charming back in the day), but Rumplestiltskin was giving serious consideration to putting the magic locks on the doors. Belle had gone to put baby Rose back to bed, check on Bae, and make them some tea before they set things out for Solstice Day.

"I am the Hogfather." It was probably meant to sound impressive, but the voice still made it sound a bit too hollow and crypt like. "Well, not actually," the figure told him quietly. "I'm just filling in at the moment. Actually, I'm Death."

"Now that I can believe, Dearie. But what, pray tell, do you need from me? I don't know what a Hogfather is and I'd be willing to bet that you are...not from around here." He giggled and gestured flamboyantly.

"This may take a bit of explaining," Death sighed. "I had to go outside my own realm, you see. I'm on a tight schedule."

"Please, have a seat, as long as you can assure me that you aren't here for anyone in this castle."

"Not at all. I've no authority in this world," the Grim Reaper assured him. "Guild regulations, you understand. Could I trouble you for a cup of tea? This is terribly thirsty work and I've been run quite ragged."

"Of course," the sorcerer said. It was fascinating actually. He had traveled in many realms, but this was a new experience for him. With a puff of magic, he sent another cup to Belle's tea tray. She would understand what it meant. It was hardly the first time they had random magical visitors.

"I'm looking for an expert on...well, on snail transformations."

"You need someone transformed into a snail? It's simple enough magic, surely you could..."

"Quite the opposite, actually. Someone has transformed my servant into a snail, along with several others who were helping me. I need to have it reversed. As I don't know who is doing it, it was best to go outside my own world, and it's well known through out the realms that you are the expert in transforming people into snails and other related...slimy things."

Rumplestiltskin wasn't certain if he should be flattered or offended, but this was quite possibly the oddest thing that had happened since his precious and precocious daughter had accidentally turned her stuffed rabbit into a real one in her crib. While he was contemplating that, Belle came through the door with the tea tray.

"Am I to assume by the extra cup that we...hello, I'm Belle and you are..."

"Complicated," Rumplestiltskin said, gesturing for her to set the tray down and join them. With cups of tea before them, the immortal sorcerer and his mortal bride settled down to listen to Death tell his tale. When he'd finished, Belle looked at him curiously.

"Pardon me for asking, but...Er...well, you don't seem to be the one best suited for the task, no offense."

"Not at all," the shade said. "It's really only temporary. All the unused belief running rampant in the world can cause all manner of havoc. Besides, can't disappoint the children, you understand."

"Yes," they both agreed, thinking of the two little (well, one little, one not so little,) imps hopefully still asleep upstairs.

"It's really only until my granddaughter Susan finds the proper Hogfather and figures out what is happening. Then I can get back to my regular work. It's not as if it ever stops. It's going to be stacking up terribly as it is."

"Very well," Rumplestiltskin said. "I think I can help you with your problem, get those snails back up and working, but you know how this works here, correct? I have what you need, what do you have for me? After all, a deal requires two parties, each of whom needs something."

"Ahhh, I'm sure that we can come to some arrangement." They left Belle alone and started up towards his laboratory.

"Don't be too long," his wife warned. "We have to get ready for the Solstice, speaking of not disappointing children."

"Yes, sweetheart."

 

It didn't take terribly long for Rumplestitlskin to figure out a potion that would return the snails to their human form. Of course for him it was simple magic, but the variables of making it usable in another world by an anthropomorphic personification, well, that was another kettle of eels. Rumplestitlskin honestly wished he had more time to study the question, actually, but he understood that while time ran differently in different realms, still there was a factor there. Finally he held up the bottle. "Here, this should be good for ten snails, twelve, if they are small enough. Now, the question is, what do you have to trade?"

"Ah, I thought about this," Death told him. "Would you accept amulets for your children, something that will give them a pass from my guild brother?"

"Protection from Death?" Rumplestiltskin asked.

"Yes, one use each, one for each child. The Death of this realm owes me a favour, he will look the other way the just once. He will be glad to get it off the books," the creature confided.

"Deal," Rumplestiltskin said, shaking the skeletal hand. "Have fun with your little...snail problem."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, it's been YEARS since I read the Hogfather, so I apologise for anything I got wrong or forgot. That being said...it's all Woodelf and BardicRaven's faults. One for the prompt and the other for mishearing something I said, which gave me the idea for writing it. Happy Solstice to all. Please comment, I need to know this isn't as Mental (or that it is) as I think it is. I chose to set it in the 'Daddy's little Girl' verse because...well, I could.


End file.
